So, I basically went to a downward spiral after that hypo manic shopping spree which I can honestly say, drained my bank account dry for the time being and so investing is out of the question (sorry, dad).
Christmas was good, had the Christmas dinner with the immediate family, watched a movie, slept, then went to more family gatherings for a few more days and that’s when it took its tool. I didn’t want people inside my house, let alone my bedroom. I didn’t want to eat, didn’t want to move, didn’t want to shower. I basically, shut down. For reals. No amount of back rubs and soothing assurances from my mother, father, and brother brought my ugly ass off my bed and downstairs to greet guests.
It was like, I gave you Christmas so now, give me New Year to dwell on my disappointments and my existential worries and leave me be. Amidst the fireworks going off outside my window and the festivities downstairs last night, what I did was curl up in my big ass blanket and tried not to murder anyone with my mind while thinking of bombing the whole place with “goodbye philippines”(side note: a guy killed himself by hugging said explosive while drunk out of his mind), and I actually tried to sleep through it, I did and I woke a few hours after with my dad telling me to come outside and celebrate with them, I told him that I wasn’t feeling good. How was I to explain to my family that I just don’t want to be bothered? I mean, I am neither sad nor happy, I’m not even wsure if you can call it indifference but I just need time to myself. I need to isolate myself from people.
I am not a people person, I tried my best to keep up this holiday season but I just wished they gave me the new year to recuperate and get myself back in order to face the new year ahead. It’s a leap year, there is an extra day to contemplate the whole of my existence in this world and hopefully make it better.
Happy New Year my crazy readers! If we can’t enjoy, we can tolerate the people at the very least.