Sick But Still Alive

So after cashing in my sporks waaay way in advance my body decides to crash(anxiety) and crash(more anxiety) and then crash(this time heart stuff) and then crash(depressive episodes) and then buuuuuurn!(Emergency Room).

I did a lot of crashing these past few months and I’ve also been in the ER for a number of times due to my heart problem. Don’t worry, I’m not dead. Yet.

I spent a good amount of this week wallowing in bed and not doing anything aside from updating a twitter page about a band that will never realize my existence though they do follow me. Yes, I neglected my studies, my chores and my hygiene(eww). And then Friday, Saturday and most of Sunday in bed gritting my teeth because I had a fever.

It came to a point that I was over 38° C and I was losing it over the symptoms that I had which is mostly in the variety of headache, fever, nausea, joint pains and other rheumatic fever symptoms so naturally my anxiety kicked in with the questions:
“Did my shoulder just moved involuntarily?”
“Will I be able to stand and walk to go to the bathroom?”
“Why am I not hungry?”
“If I die will I die on the way to the hospital or will something in the hospital go wrong thus me dying?
*plans her own funeral*

Literally, no joke with the planning her own funeral thing, I was halfway through planning when I realized I was gritting my teeth again because of the cold and my head was pounding.

Where are the parents when this happened? One may ask.

They were somewhere having lunch with a friend because I told them I was going to be okay, because I hate having to ask them to put a stop to their lives and tend at my side, it’s just not me. Though, I texted them that when my brother leaves, no one will be home aside from me and theeeen more paranoia comes, and a slight anxiety/panic attack ensues.
“What the hell was that?”
“I need to sleep this off.”
“How hot am I?”
“Do I need to go to the ER?”

Long story short, my parents got home. We went to the ER with a very very sick me who was very very very tired and had to sit on a hugeass wheelchair and still fill out a form with wobbly hands and got poked with needles and given drugs for the pains and stuff and my mom bought food and then the doctor came back with the lab results and it was a sore throat buuut I still need bed rest for a few days and if my fever doesn’t go away back to the hospital is what they say.

Okay, bye.


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