Positive Thinking My Ass

I’ve been scrolling through wordpress looking for new blogs to follow and read for the daily dose of what goes on in other people with mental illness.

It’s not that I don’t think positively about the things that have happened after my diagnosis, granted there were hardships and breakdowns and all that shit but what if negativity is injected inside my DNA? The anger? Sarcasm? Dark humor? I mean I’ve been following people on here that tell stories about their illnesses without preaching to other people what or what not to think because you can’t really do that unless you use some kind of brainwashing machinery or some magical Harry Potter shit, but you can’t change a person who thinks differently from other people.

I do believe in raising awareness and being positive and the cognitive behavioral therapies because I do it, been doing it for two years and it has its ups and downs, mostly downs because I was never a fan of talking and releasing feeling and all that crap. I do believe that it can help, I do believe that people who get the semi colon tattoo to raise awareness for self-injury, depression and others and I was thinking of getting it too because I could choose to stop everything and end it but I didn’t.

We have different ways of coping with our illnesses. I may have depression and anxiety but I go out with my friends and do shit, you may the same diagnosis as me but still stay at home and be negative about life or I can be both positive and negative with my illness.

I can be whatever I want to be with my illness, no one can say that I don’t have depression because I don’t cry or because I don’t self-harm. YOU. DON’T. KNOW. ME. Being positive is not all that, all that you are doing is generalizing the incorrect fact that people who have mental illness have to be positive about what they are going through. But no. You can’t dictate what they feel, you can’t tell them that they can’t say “kill myself” as a joke when they use it as way to cope with their own illness. I for one use suicidal jokes about having depression and by god, when my anxiety strikes all the funeral planning is on its way.

You can’t tell me what to feel or not feel, the way I can’t tell you how to handle the way you talk to people who may or may not be suffering in some type of way.

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