The Rollercoaster That Stood Still

Okay, so I’m back! Yay! 🎉🎉🎉 (did the emojis work? I’m using my phone since my laptop died and my mom thinks I’m asleep. It’s nearly 1am)

I’m here, writing this which means, I have done something worth time and productivity so I’m writing.

Anywaaaaaay, rollercoasters. You remember that Augustus Waters line from The Fault In Our Stars? No? “I’m on a rollercoaster that only goes up.” No? Go read the book or watch the movie. Okay, so that’s his thing, being on a rollercoaster that inly goes up, good for you buddy but you died at the end of the story giving your infinity an end and a very tragic one at that. THAT’S NOT MY POINT. I am getting distracted.

If Augustus Waters is on a rollercoaster that does not go anywhere but up, I want his meds because for the past few months I’ve been on a rollercoaster that’s stagnant or stuck. It’s just there, sitting on the track not budging and I’m in the middle of a loop! Now that’s a sight to see! To be stuck on a rollercoaster that is not moving and in the middle of the loop. Hallelujah! It’s a wonder I’m still here, kicking and screaming and trying to kick ass.

I’ve been meaning to write this for a few days now, since I think the depression is biting me on the ass ever since the intership anxiety attacks or whatever. I’m in a mood, a bitchy one at that. I snap, sleep more, eat more and less at the same time, still can’t cry about myself but can still cry at wedding videos(I’m a romantic, sue me).

I barely function with my day to day to do list. I drag myself out off my bed, mumble an excuse to my mom not really sure if it’s physical(mvp) or emotional(anxiety&/depression).

It’s confusing having an illness which is also the result of a physical illness. Wow, I am one messed up chick. Without getting into the specifics, I’ve been in a mood, can’t sleep, want to sleep, can’t eat but still over eats. I’m a walking contradictory.

Damn, I’ve strayed so far from the rollercoaster theme of this post. This rollercoaster is still here, trying to move its butt out of this loop and is determined ti make something of herself. It’s hard and the rust and the grime on my wheels are problematic but slowly but surely, I know my rollercoaster will get to the damned station.

(Wow, wasn’t even trying to make that a positive ending but I did need to encourage myself so there.)

Let’s go you 20 somethung rollercoaster, move your butt. Keep your hands inside tge cart and sit the fuck down.


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