Posed with the choice of going back to the past or going forward to the future. What would I choose? That was our discussion in class. A little bit weird to be discussing something like this with people I barely knew because I kept to myself in every class I come to but there has been interesting answers from people in the room.
“So, what will it be? The past or the present?” the professor stood in front of class making eye contact with every single student squirming on their seats, me included. I kept my eyes on my mary janes.
The guy with a “whatever” beanie and Pink Floyd shirt raised his finger and the professor pointed to him.
“I’d go back to the past.” he answered with a straight face. People around us started to mutter something to each other.
“Why?” the professor asked.
“Because of the music of course. I mean, who wouldn’t want to go back and see the Beatles live, experience Woodstock in the flesh and see what all the rockstar fuss was all about.” he answered with a smile on his face.
A girl with the pleated skirt and crisp white button down raised her hand.
“I think I’d choose the future, solely on the reason that I’d see where my life will go and how it will turn out.” she sat down.
“But what if the future is not the future you wanted for yourself? Remember it’s a one way ticket to the past and future. You can’t go back to where you came from.” he pointed out.
Another girl raised her hand.
“If that’s the case then, I’d still go to the future. Because if I go there and if I don’t like my life, I can just do my best to try live with the choices I’ve made in that time frame.”
A few bounced their thoughts to our professor and I just remained silent and jsut kept my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself.
Looking outside the window through the university parking lot and all the noise outside my seatmate nudged me and angled his head in front.
“You. The girl with the nirvana shirt. Please share your thoughts to the class instead of sharing it with the birds outside.”
Some people snickered.
I cleared my throat and tried to speak.
“I think if I can’t go back to my present. Then I will not go back or go forward. The present is me because of the choices I made in the past and if I were to relive those choices then I might just go crazier than I already am living with the consequences of those choices. As for going forward to the future, I have no idea if what I will find there is good for my mental health since I’m living with the consequences of my past and I think going forward will just take me out of my poor sanity and if I don’t like my life in the future I might as well just stay here where I am and try and live my life day by day and just living in the present. If that makes sense.”