She wants to be done with all of the bullshit that has been happening to her life for the past 3 years. She wants it to stop. She wants to be free from all of it. From her family, her so-called friends, her boyfriend who’s as supportive of her as a friend who kisses up her ass just to be seen with someone and not take her seriously. She doesn’t know why people think she deserve this shit.
She wants to pack up her things and just drive herself to New York and start a new life and try her luck with the dreams of being in Broadway. It was her life-long dream to be on stage on Broadway shows and be some kind of a star. She doesn’t want to be that girl who takes in all the spotlight, performing is what she wants to do all her life and never ever stop.
She does not know how to start living her dream of becoming a performer. She was so accustomed in living in the confines of her supportive family and support system of friends or lack thereof, but what the hell is she supposed to do if they give her shit that she took all her life and now she’s just tired of, she just wants to get out of it all and forget them and start anew.
She was walking home from work which absolutely sucks because she got it for her mother and she does not like to bus tables just to get herself through college. She wants to get out! Literally, she feels imprisoned by all the shackles that has been cuffed to her hands and feet, she just wants to be free and perform which is a big no, no with her mom because they think that she couldn’t act. They prefer that her brother is the star and she has no say in whatsoever she wants to do. She does not know how to talk to her parents about dropping out of school and thinking about what she really want to do in her life, after all it was her father who told them that they have to start thinking about what they want to do in their lives forever and not just for today.
She thinks she knows what she wants to do, but she doesn’t want to disappoint them again, as if she has ever felt that her parents was proud of her, she thinks they are taking her for granted and they keep on focusing on her brother, she has no say in anything. She’s tired, she’s old enough to do what she wants and know that there will be consequences in everything that she does but apparently they don’t believe her.
No one was home when she arrived and she thought about what she was going to do. It seemed a wee bit clichéd when Taylor Swift played on her ipod singing “A Place in This World”, she doesn’t know if it’s out of impulsiveness that she opened her closet, started to rip out clothes and put them in her bag, started to collect things that she thinks will help her start to be the person she wants to be.
She wrote a letter to her family saying that she appreciated everything that they had done for her and she just needs to learn to be on her own and find herself without them. She has had enough of their constant nagging and comparison to her brother and she just wants to be the person that they will be proud of, she placed the note on the table top in the kitchen where her mom can see it easily.
She started to back out of the driveway and a hopeful tear fell on her cheek while she saw her house being distant by the minute, remembering Taylor Swift’s lyrics in her head,
“I’m alone, on my own and yes I know, I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong, although life goes on. Oh I’m just a girl, trying to find a place in this world.”
She sure as hell felt alone, but she will be stronger than a brick, make mistakes along the way, some maybe more stupid than others but she just wants to find herself and all of these things come with the choice of looking for herself and her dream.
She will be strong for herself and pursue her dream.
-originally posted on my tumblr acct.